Why Feeling Your Feelings Matters
In our pursuit of emotional well-being and meaningful connection, we often encounter advice that encourages us to “stay positive,” “look on the bright side,” or “not let things get to us.” While these sentiments can be well-intentioned, they may also subtly discourage us from engaging with the full range of our emotional experiences, especially the ones that feel heavy, overwhelming, or uncomfortable. Yet, the paradox of healing is this: to move forward, we must first be willing to sit still and feel.
What Are We So Afraid to Feel?
Many of us have learned, often unconsciously, that certain emotions are “bad” or should be avoided. Anger may be seen as dangerous. Sadness might be labeled weak. Fear could be treated as something to ignore or “push through.” Over time, we learn to manage our emotional discomfort by distracting ourselves, shutting down, overanalyzing, or even spiritualizing our way around it. But emotions are not problems to be solved; they are messengers. They alert us to what matters, where we’ve been hurt, and what we need to pay attention to. Avoiding these emotions doesn’t erase them, instead, it buries them. And buried emotions have a tendency to surface in indirect ways: irritability, burnout, anxiety, relationship conflict, or even physical symptoms.
The Purpose of Emotion
Emotions are not accidental. They serve essential inner and relational roles:
Anger signals that something feels unjust or unsafe.
Sadness helps us grieve and release.
Fear alerts us to potential danger or change.
Joy connects us to meaning and presence.
When we suppress or ignore these emotions, we lose access to the information and intentionality they carry. Alternatively, when we give ourselves permission to feel, even for a moment, we create the space for those emotions to move through us rather than stay stuck inside us.
Why It’s Hard (and Why It’s Worth It)
Allowing ourselves to feel can be difficult, especially if we’ve grown up in environments that minimized our emotions or if we’ve experienced trauma that made feeling unsafe. Sometimes, we fear that if we start feeling, we’ll never stop, but in truth, emotions are like waves. They rise, crest, and fall, when allowed to run their course.
When we feel our feelings:
We reconnect with ourselves.
We heal in relationship.
We become more resilient.
Practicing Emotional Presence
Developing emotional presence is not about wallowing, it’s about witnessing. It’s about showing up for our internal experience with compassion and curiosity. Here are a few ways to begin:
Name what you feel: Sometimes simply saying “I feel sad” or “This makes me angry” softens the intensity.
Notice where it lives in the body: Emotions often show up physically before we recognize them mentally.
Breathe through it: A steady breath reminds the nervous system that it is safe to feel.
Write or speak it: Journaling or talking to a trusted person can help make meaning from the experience.
Seek support: Therapy offers a safe space to feel fully, without judgment or urgency to “fix.”
Becoming Aware We are Whole
The goal isn’t to feel good all the time. It’s to feel fully; to become aware of our wholeness, not perfection. Wholeness invites all parts of us to the table: the confident and the scared, the joyful and the grieving, the calm and the chaotic. Every feeling belongs. Every feeling has something to teach us. By learning to feel, we begin to heal, not by bypassing our discomfort, but by honoring it as part of the story we’re living into. Let’s commit to emotional honesty. Let’s make space for what’s real. Being human means feeling deeply and that’s something worth leaning into, not away from.
Want to explore your emotions with a therapist? Consider scheduling an appointment or reaching out to our team today.