Clarifying Values
How Values Clarification Helps You Live an Authentic Life
by Alissa Bell
Have you ever felt caught in a quiet, persistent internal struggle? Even when you’re doing all the ‘right’ things, something still feels off. You wake up, follow the routine, check all the boxes, and yet a subtle disconnect lingers between your daily actions and your deeper sense of purpose. Maybe you’ve even wondered, Is this really me? or Am I living someone else’s life?
It’s not uncommon to get caught in thoughts, emotions, or habits that pull us away from what truly matters. It’s not that something is wrong with you; it’s that somewhere along the way, your life has drifted out of sync with your core values, or maybe you’re still discovering what those values truly are.
As a clinical therapist intern, one of my favorite tools to help clients realign with their sense of purpose is a simple yet powerful exercise called Values Sorting. Rather than searching for a magic solution, this process helps us build an internal compass, one that points us back to what gives our lives meaning.
Values clarification invites deep, honest reflection. When you clarify your values, you start to uncover the invisible rules guiding your choices—some inherited, some self-chosen. You begin to ask: Do these values resonate because they were taught to me? Or because, when I close my eyes and tune into my body and emotions, they feel authentic and true?
That kind of inquiry transforms values work from a cognitive exercise into a journey of self-discovery, one that helps bridge the gap between who we are and who we want to be.
Defining Values: More Than Just Goals
It’s essential to make a distinction here: values are not goals.
Goals are milestones you achieve (“earn a degree,” “buy a home”), while values are ongoing directions; they are the qualities of living you can embody in every moment. You never “arrive” at North, but you can always move toward it.
Values are not goals (e.g., “Complete a project by Friday”) nor rules (e.g., “I must never fail”). They are deeply held beliefs about how one wants to behave and what gives one’s life meaning. They answer questions like: “What kind of person do I want to be?” “What matters most when things get hard?”
Some examples:
A goal might be to lose 10 pounds, whereas the value might be to embody health and vitality through movement and nourishment.
A goal could be to stop feeling anxious, whereas a value might be to be more present and engaged even when anxiety is there.
When clients come to session feeling overwhelmed, their first job is to stop focusing on the goals they’ve failed to meet and start identifying the core qualities they want their life to represent.
Why use a values-sorting approach?
It moves from abstract: “I want to be happy” → concrete “I value kindness, so I will dedicate time to volunteering.”
It brings clarity out of confusion, especially when clients say, “I don’t know what I want,” or “Everything feels equally important.”
It surfaces internal conflicts: for example, someone might highly value security and also adventure. The differences and tension between these two values can silently undermine their decision-making or create stuckness.
It helps orient action: once clients see what matters, they can make choices that feel aligned rather than just logical.
As I grow in my work as a therapist, I keep returning to my own values, one of which is to be a supportive, helpful, and encouraging person both to myself and others. Practicing from this foundation reminds me that my role isn’t just to help clients feel better in the moment, but to guide them toward living in alignment with their true-north values, where genuine change takes root.
If you want help sorting your values NCTP can help.
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